leslie nuss



What is my purpose?

So, this q has been on my mind this week. I was feeling underemployed and not sure how to reconcile that. I mean, do I even need to have a purpose? (now I'm thinking of the cat in the movie "Babe") but as an (I thought I was) ambitious woman, it's a challenge. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make things better, and in some ways, I suppose if i get a tally out, I have, but as a thwarted recording artist, it burns a bit. 


Philanthropy has also been on my mind. In my heart of hearts, I'd like to start a fund to help African-Americans go to college. And yes, I'd like to help Opportunity Enterprises, the local org that helps people with disabilities...but I 1. told my husband that I'd like to double our donation to them every year and 2. volunteered today to help with fundraising by speaking when/if they need me, and my first try will be in 4 weeks. I care very much about the environment, of course. So those are my top three. 


I haven't heard from Project Runway, so I'm just assuming I didn't make it to the next round. (could still happen of course). But, I'm actually actively working on a "capsule" collection and made a garment this week-sort of a bolero jacket. Next up is some t-shirts. I want to work on a raglan sleeved one. I suppose I'm close to having what I need-and in retrospect, it seems like the perfect way to design ones first collection--by only wearing clothes one makes, because I've had to cheat by wearing some sweaters, and now I'm working on some jackets so I can give away those sweaters. 


but back to songwriting/music-I mean, that's what this whole website is for, right? 2nd ep is closer to being released, artwork-having Billy make another box, just seems like what I want, Ainjel's going over the mixes, and I think I'm going to have one of the songs, "Shook Me" remixed-so there will be two versions of that. It's kind of fun to have multiple versions of the same song. And then, there's the female mastering engineeress, Jett Galindo...which warms my heart. I'm so proud of hiring her! It just kills me that only 2% of mastering engineers are women! And the only way to get more is to hire them. Done.


Gotta finish the song for the Nora Project for tomorrow. I suppose I procrastinated, but tbh, it was almost done, then Ruby said I needed to sound more like Billie Eilish (yes, I know how to spell Eilish) so then I thought I needed to start over. Nothing like a deadline! Fingers crossed I have what I want by tomorrow. Actually, I went to the piano and got a chorus immediately, but now I need a verse chord progression and a bridge. The song should be about empathy and kindness and inclusion. And last night I went to a disability fair and met two women who work for the Nora Project. They want it to go to all 50 states, so it's a super cool thing. So basically, maybe internally I'm feeling *pressure* even though I try to think of songwriting like a floor routine for gymnastics (meaning, "I've got this") 


and what's ridiculous is that even though I'm going all this yea yea yea aren't I so creative stuff, also in my secret heart sometimes I wish I had become a Doctor. Whaaaaat? you say??? Well, if I haven't mentioned it until now, I did study pre-med in college (and fashion design) and I did take the MCAT (no Kaplan, I might add) yet only applied to one medical school (UIC) and got put on the waiting list (I interviewed on a very bad weather day, and I specifically remember the guy sort of grilling me about who would be emotionally supporting me--and in my foggy memory I feel like I gave him the impression that my parents were not supportive--because they weren't exactly and I do remember that I wore a skirt I made that I thought was ugly) but anyway.


it's because I have some romanticized thought that having a separate work place (vs. all my equipment here in my house) might have been better, and for some reason I think I might have enjoyed having some respect, or I imagine I would have been respected. And I think I could have helped people (I do think good songs help people, and I'm sure that some of my songs have helped some people, but it would be nice to help more people, you know what I mean?) and because Dr's are paid pretty well, I could have done more charity work-maybe working in Africa, etc. 


the crazy thing is I only recently stopped thinking about going to medical school. I did think about it for many years. 


I should talk to my friend Karyn. Last year I told her I thought I should just focus on painting and she looked at me like I was nuts. Maybe I just need to start running again. It's spring!! finally!! and nice weather!! and animals and flowers. And being outside. 

Well, I set an alarm on my phone to sound like an old car when it's time for my son's caregiver to go home and it's going. 

have a great week.



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