gig today, how did I get here?

That Talking Heads song sometimes gives me pause. I think I ask myself this maybe too much-how did I get here? Why did I apply to be on Project Runway when I'm recording music? I still feel like I'm in the gutter, maybe it's easier for people to do a second creative thing after they've had success with the first one?

Going back and forth between design and music. Is this wise? It's creative, that's for sure.

Last night we watched a new Netflix show 7 (title?) and we watched the 7 days before a Chanel Couture fashion show. It was really incredible, the entire thing. The Atelier, the skill level, the extraordinary materials, etc. 140 hours to make a couture gown. No wonder I'm frustrated sewing here by myself. 

But, I also got more inspiration to make new outfits/pieces. I gleaned what I could from how they worked--I've been wanting to make a certain garment and now I have a clearer idea how to do it. 

So, I am almost done making a dress for the show tonight. It's a bit out there. I lack the time to fully execute something in the highest craft possible, but it will be ok/fun. So can't spend too much time here this am because-need to finish.

And rehearse. Feeling a bit scattered, trying to remember everything-all the lyrics, all the chords/chord changes. Thought of a new way to work on it, realize I know/have written/recorded so many more songs than I had before, and performing less, so not as in the forefront of my mind...but it can be done. Partly it's nerves. 

Then next week-starting to work on a new collaboration, recording a song I wrote called Dorian Gray. One of my producers didn't like the title, but a lot of people really like the song, so we'll see.

kids seem to have cabin fever. My son is yelling so much that he's upsetting the kids on the bus and so we are driving him to school for the time being. He thinks it's hilarious, of course. And we've tolerated it/laughed it off for too long, and now it's a problem. 

I was going to play my daughter's 3/4 electric guitar tonight but it was not easier, though the neck profile is better, so it's back to the acoustic Taylor. Easier/better. My arm gets pins and needles, but I just have to figure it out. 

I've felt kind of down about the culture and my future, which goes back to the "how did I get here" and I just don't know. Am I giving up if I spend a lot of time (then) fixing my house? I do like the changes I've made. My loft is great and I love to hang out here. My son's room is fun-needs a small amount of tweaking but very cool. My daughter's room is also good. If it's so hard for me to make a mark creatively, am I exacerbating that by designing the home? Or will a better designed home propel me toward recognition for my other creative talents? 

I suppose the main thing is that my crew is relatively small (ie me) and if any person has a staff, more can be accomplished. 

Maybe I have cabin fever, too. It's still cold here, a smattering of snow, a sort of "blah" feeling sets in. However-gig tonight!! And Hunt & Gather will be fun. And I'm playing right when it opens, so it will be noisy, but then again a lot of people will see/hear me-and my crazy dress! And it seems I have a few fans who have bought cd's before, who like my music. Last time, I played the first song I completed wholly on piano-"Never Say Never" and I did see one man step out of his booth to give a better listen-and I thought that was kind of cool. 

And last time I met this cool dude whose brand is called Tenden who lives in MI and makes denim gear. He has all these antique sewing machines he told me. I really want to visit and check out his operation. 

I hear birds chirping and that reminds me that I haven't fed the birds for a while. My friend Melissa told me not to feed them everyday so they don't get dependent on the seed, so I've been mindful of that. But it's such a joy when they stop by. 

ok, better go. Are these blog posts interesting? I don't even really read many blogs so I don't know what other people write about. I think I was supposed to let you know how things get done/what goes on in my brain? --I think things (too many) then I sift through them and do as many as I can-- that's my formula! easy peasy.

have a great week,

stay strong!



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