So I stopped fasting. I think I was getting nervous about passing day 16 and passing out, so I started drinking broth made with bullion cubes and ended up oversalting myself and swelling up then taking some potassium. I'm good now, no worries, and most of the pain in my arm/hand is gone but my right thumb and pointer finger are still somewhat numb and get pins and needles.
Not sure if I can mount another fast anytime soon, so I may end up getting some tests done. In my mind, I think my body is healing from the spine on down and now I'm left with the fingers, but nerve damage takes a long time to heal.
So it's been a slow sort of 3 weeks here, and I feel like I got nothing done even though I did do two photo shoots and it looks like I have finally gotten my studio organized into really workable stations. It's taking me so long to get it together that I feel like I'm just rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic, but on the other hand, it looks like I'm ready to get to business.
The photographer and I are going to share a booth in October at Hunt & Gather, where I have been performing, so I have a deadline/goal to make things and I do have a plan and a focus.
Since earning money this way is hard for me, I needed to have a goal-which is to earn money so I can go on a tour in 2020. My ability to tour is limited, so it might be single shows some weeks, and two shows some weeks. But I don't think I can even go unless I get really cool merchandise together, so that's what I'm doing now.
The other goal would be to earn enough money to buy a piece of equipment called a skiver. It shaves leather which is essential in making leather goods like belts, bags and shoes. I suppose I could use some of my sewing machines being fixed, too.
Glop is what my mom used to call these concoctions that my dad used to make, food that involved hamburger, tomato paste, small pasta shapes and gross things like frozen lima beans. My mom would tell us that we had to "help eat the glop." Not very appetizing, right? And I did think it was gross. But now I think I am making my own version for my son, which is really just a stew. It seems like you can use anything, any kind of beef, and then something to make broth, and then vegetables. Glop. Since I was a vegetarian for so long and couldn't really afford beef, stew is something that I've only made occasionally since the kids were born, but I needed to defrost our upright freezer which prompted me to start using whatever was in there. Not so hard.
The squatter-in-chief really is a threat to the survival of a lot of people and the racism and vitriol is astounding to me. These weak people who never stood up to him, never were able to stop him-I have a hard time articulating how I feel about it all. He represents the culmination of all the misogyny that has kept good women down for a long time, the greed and avarice that has ruined lives and the venality that is allowing nefarious foreign leaders to hack away at our democracy. And so many people seem to be ok with this. And I guess on some level I must be, too or we'd all be taking to the streets. Many people are insulated from the deleterious effects of this man, this culture, but many are not.
Can love override this period in history? Can the good people reverse this hatred? I don't know. When people are full of hatred and determined to hurt others, it's hard. I keep working on songs that I would hope could inspire people, but my audience is so small and my influence so miniscule. So should I even try? That's the hill I continue to climb, the rock I push up every night only to have it fall to the bottom every day.
But persist I do and must. There is no alternative. I do have new songs. I do have new ideas. I'm more likely to succeed now that 20 years ago, and maybe all the energy I had then isn't necessary.
Ok, signing off now, finishing up the studio, going to take my son to ride the gokarts later today. Even though he has Epilepsy, he loves to hang out in the arcade room with all the flashing lights. It's a challenge for me, because it's not what I want to do, but what I do want to do is show him a good time. And I will.