gig, taxes, the futility of being a recording artist

Hi. I was unable to log in a few days ago so that's why this post is late. Something about something.

But the gig went really well-really, one of my best and I will upload the show to youtube, just cut out a few seconds at each end. and I wore a new dress I made/finished for the gig and the whole thing was good.

but now I'm doing the taxes. it's tedious, really, adding up expenses, saving receipts, categorizing everything. This year was the first in a long time where I wanted to see how much money I was spending for music vs how much for design/ceramics/painting and what the income was. Before, I didn't care. Making music costs money and so I have been investing money for 3 years now. Some has been lost due to switching studios and of course that is sobering. 

However, even with last year's progress toward equality, it just seems ridiculous to continue to record. I will finish these recordings with Ainjel and then see. People don't want to pay for recorded music and they certainly don't want to pay to see people at my level-ie the club level-perform. People DO like music, that is still true.

Even though PledgeMusic did a bad thing and spent the money they were holding for the musicians, and even though they owe me money, it only prevents me from having the money for a few videos. But, PledgeMusic is basically everyone's attitude: ie pay the artists last, with whatever is left over. I don't really know what to do, as I do like some of the new songs I've written, and would like to hear them recorded. But it seems like it's only for myself-which is in a way enough for me, ie I love to listen to my new ep, and I feel good about it, but, as my husband said, maybe take a break from investing in music this year, just put out my second ep digitally, do the artwork ie the cover myself-it's already done, just needs text. 

It's a shame, but I want to hold the movers and the shakers in the music industry partially responsible for this. They didn't fight hard enough for the artists, or for the industry as a whole. They thought mainly about themselves/their careers/their profit, even if it was short sighted. Not much of a surprise, but it is a letdown. 


That being said, I'm actually close to breaking even for design from last year-and that's without trying too hard. So, if I made an effort to produce more in 2019 -then I might turn a profit in design this year as well.

Maybe my dad was right. I should have given up music those years ago when he relentlessly hounded me about it. But on the other hand, I am proud of what I've recorded.  Lately I've been listening to my old cassettes-melody ideas I had, song snippets, the origins of some of my songs, practice tapes, live tapes, etc. I have quite a few and now that I've finally got things organized (pretty much everywhere--that was holding me back and I did organize the shed --which was just about the last thing I needed to do...)

so now when I'm...say...working on my taxes, I try to go through these old cassettes and make new notes. I could try to convert them to digital tracks, and upload them to soundcloud or something. Or Patreon if I set up one of those. Which is an option, but I don't know how many people would be willing to support me through that. 

anyway, some of the tapes-it seems clear to me that I didn't really know how to sing live. I sang too loudly. But my banter is funny to listen to. I don't think I would ever confront an audience member these days for, let's say talking loudly during a show. But it also sounds like I used to have fun with the audience, too. 

Now I'm listening to the demo before I made Action Hero Superstar. There's a song called "Augenblick" that we didn't record, that's about the assault. It's interesting, because I obviously don't listen to these tapes very often (if at all) but I remember a lot of the melodies, but it's curious for me to hear the lyrics.

"in an Augenblick, everything changed and I can't go back again. There's no where for me, no soul to see, will I be whole again."

Some of the other songs sound very similar to the final/finished/recorded version of the songs and that's kind of interesting to hear, too.

Well, I should go back to the taxes. I want to make myself a bathing suit and need to get with it or I'll run out of time this week.

xo have a great week,


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