Well, very sorry to hear about Anthony Bourdain. He is not someone I would have thought would do that, also has a child, seemed to "have it all" but you never know. When these feeling spike, it can be hard to see the other side. The other side of the pain, where it subsides. Some people today on twitter mentioned the creative process and how it can be very draining and I would agree. I think I mentioned in an earlier post my affinity for the book The Crane Maiden and I think of my own process as pulling out my own feathers to spin this gold.
I had wanted to write about Superheroes, though. As part of my personal work around my new music, I thought I'd read all the words that begin with the letter V in the dictionary. Luckily, there are only 23 pages (in the one I've been using since college). Villain. Thanos is a villain, but what of his insight about over population? Then I thought of my father, who had his demons. And he preached the theory of Zero Population Growth, which I bought into/agreed with. It was such a strong belief of mine that it came back to haunt me after my son was born with multiple disabilities and I wanted a 3rd child. My husband said no, citing my 2 child ideology.
Then my mind ranged to Nebula, whom I have found myself identifying with which surprised me. When I wrote the song Action Hero Superstar (never released) I was unaware of female superheroes except for Wonder Woman. But Nebula. Tough, taking no shit. Harboring a hatred for her father and her sister. Then it dawned on me that there was something to that. My older brother used to hit me all the time growing up. It was quite damaging. My father wanted me to be tough. They (that includes my mother) didn't seem to intervene. And I just wanted my other brother to be a brother, too. Now he is. We are very close. And he's much softer, more like Gamora.
Ok, then Taserface. I just love when he says, "It's METAPHORICAL!" I have tried to find that as a GIF. But my 12 year old daughter has been asking me about my songs. What does this song mean, Mommy? Where did you get the inspiration for it? And often I start with, "It's METAPHORICAL!" (said as much like Taserface as I can) and she was asking me about the song Glory Days and the line, "I did it backwards in heels, that's not supposed to be the way it feels." and I could tell her about so much. There's an entire world written into that line. I feel like I could go on for days about that line.
Then she was asking about the song "Insane" and that is just full of metaphor. She even asked where I got the inspiration for the melody. The melody just comes out of me and I hadn't really thought about the inspiration for melody except that perhaps melody comes from what you know/what you listen to/what you have to work with in terms of lyrics.
My son is buckled into our golf car and throwing things off it to get my attention so might need to cut this short. We tried to go to the Solo movie today but he was not having it/not chill. We might try a "lights up sound down" movie and also have his eyes examined. He might be incredibly near sighted which would make movies sort of irritating. But it was a bit of a let down as I had hoped that he'd be cool. Nope. Not having it. I saw the beginning and the end of the movie so might go again. The cool thing is that my daughter loves movies. She has a dream of going to UCLA and...well...I'm all for it. But that's years away.
I hope you feel ok, if you need to chat, I'm here. Be well (it sound like a weird thing to type, but there's a lot of weird energy in the air these days.)