turkey feathers

So, I think I contracted some illness from handling wild turkey feathers, which serves me right, seeing's how even my daughter asked me about their cleanliness. I think it will require me fasting again and if that doesn't work, then to the Dr. I feel a bit like a dope but now, going forward, I'll figure it out if I still want to collect them. BTW at least 5 big ones, the little ones are hard to see, because we don't spring ourselves on them, which would be rude! We approach very slowly to give them time to saunter away and feel safe and secure here.

The gig was really nice, a lot of people would stroll by and give me the thumb's up or a word of praise, which is good to know, as I always wonder how the songs/show will come across. 

Music, still such an uphill thing. And hard not to feel discouraged. And that makes me think about optimism vs. pessimism. Sometimes, when I'm optimistic, I can put too much faith in "things will work out" and gloss over red flags, and end up in a bad situation, but then being a pessimist is sort of a bummer, and doesn't make me feel very good. Plus, then I feel like I'm spreading doom. 

Today maybe I had a thought. It's something that I've been aware of for a while, but it's not on the front burner, and that is: DON'T STEP IN THE TRAP. Because, sometimes I think I am reluctant to see that something is a trap, when actually experience tells me that it most likely IS a trap. I was thinking of stamping that into leather and making myself a wallet so that I could see that phrase more often. 

In my studio, I do have a few phrases and they change. One is "Do it now" and another is "The whole point of dancing is the dance" And "You can do it" but yes, "Don't step in the trap" is key. 

Because I don't think I need to know what the experience of being in the trap is anymore, and I don't need to test myself to see how I'm going to get out of the trap or even IF I'm going to get out of the trap, you know? But obviously, you can't live your life thinking everything's a trap, either.

screw it, just meditate! haha. 

..watched a short documentary on Ram Dass last night, and he's at peace. That really IS the goal, even if I spend a lot of time worrying about the state of the world. I guess why he's a spiritual leader is that IF everyone really WAS at peace, then the world would be so much more awesome, and he's setting an example. But I bet he doesn't sell anything on eBay! and I do wonder what he'd say about the misuse of power as evidenced by the haves and the have nots.

...some slight progress on my bag making, need to make some production. I think I'd like to try to do some kind of trunk shows. And it would be very fun/cool to sell things out of the trunk of my vintage BMW2002 from 1975. All great, all very much not music, but....unless some of my songs get picked up for sync placements, I'm ?????

Other things from this past week--good book review in the NYT about challenging the wealthy's belief that they are changing the world for the better but really just making themselves feel good without addressing the aspects of their lives/practices that create the mess we're in in the first place.

And I grew up with a father who hated wealth, and conditioned me to strive to be more on the low end. And to live in a beautiful house as I do now was never really my aspiration, so it's a conundrum.

--I'm in the middle of a text convo about how to sign (or not) my paintings. My 90 year old painting mentor wanted me to, but my former roommate who works for the Carnegie Museum told me no, which is what I thought. I tried, but Nuss looks does not look good on a canvas. --because, keep painting, too. right?

Neil perked me up so much! So, I'm to put a label on the back of the paintings. Cool and done. 

This turkey feather illness is in my lungs. They feel a bit clouded. 

OOOh, I almost lost this blog post again, because Neil gave me a link to see the data museums collect...and well, see, anyway, I better end here, hard to chew gum and talk at the same time.

have a good week,



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